On Friday I was on the road for ten hours. The coach driver, a strong and beautiful woman in her forties, offered me candies and gave me a discount on the ticket. We caught a bad accident and then heavy rain on the way and the coach was delayed for three hours. Never before in my life had I seen such a badly damaged lorry cabin. I doubt that the driver was taken out of it in one piece… A friend was then waiting for me at the end of the road and picked me up by car. He spent three hours waiting for me. And then carried my luggage to his car. How can I ever feel lonely? I am never alone. Never.
Then rain and cold and fog and moisture conquering everything for two days in this summer camp. Everything. Still, my heart was getting lighter and lighter. Saturday night came with singing and guitar playing and a lot of laughter and it felt so good to be with warm-hearted people and feel at home, among your own kind. And the next day, when I left the camp, a friend looked at me and said: “You are shining. And you look so kissable now.” “Thanks”, I said. “I’ve always been so successful with women.” And we laughed and hugged and said goodbye until next time.
On Sunday evening I was back to Bucharest, after a journey with three chain accidents on the highway and a speed ticket. Oh, and a fox crossed our road in a village, in plain daylight. As I was waiting for a bus to take me home, my phone rang. My good friend in Istanbul updated me on the news. I hadn’t heard anything.
“I was in the street when everything started. Suddenly, the army started shooting people. I saw about twenty people dying in front of me. For nothing… They were raising their arms in front of the military and saying: Shoot us, shoot us! And they shot them. And I remembered your words: You are a survivor. And so I got out of there.”
He is 23. Left Syria because of the war. Went to Lebanon and there was fighting there, too. Now Istanbul.
On Wednesday last week another friend gave me this book called “Istanbul Istanbul”, by Burhan Sonmez.
What is it with this life?
Now, in the light of this seemingly pure insanity, I am feeling so grateful for everything. For every breath. For every beautiful memory. For every kiss, every look that has ever felt like ‘yes, I recognize you from back home, I know who you are’. And for every hardship. Everything, every grain of sand, every smile, every step, every journey, every love story and every separation, everything has made me who I am today. And I am so in love with life. I am drunk on it. And I bow to the forces that bring us together every time. And I let go.